What I need
by Lotuscandle
Summary: A missing scene... Thorin did not want to take Kili with him on the quest to free Erebor... so how come the young dwarf is at the Hobbit's house when the King arrives? After all, Fili did just what his uncle told him to do. (NO SLASH WHATSOEVER! Movie-verse, oneshot... is 'majestic comparison' a warning?) ADDED A SEQUEL. MORE TO COME.
1. Chapter 1

There were many things one had to be good at when people called you an heir of Durin.

Thorin was a master in fulfilling all that was expected from a dwarven prince – patience, for example. Yes, he was a very, very patient man. Sometimes he was told he was not, but that led straight to the second ability he had mastered when he had been just a child: being majestic. When he was told of his short temper or his stubbornness or whatever people imagined to see, he would just tilt his chin a little bit and look down at the poor and obviously very mistaken person.

Majestic.

Right now, in this house full of dwarves, being majestic, acting majestic, and appearing absolutely in control was essential. After all, he had to travel with this funny bunch of different dwarves; he could not have any of them doubting his abilities as a true heir of Durin or – an uncle.

Being an uncle was part of his dilemma now. When he had entered, he had noticed both his nephews immediately. Strange as it was, Fili seemed to be trying to stay unnoticed, while Kili grinned at him.

Strange indeed, he would have expected it to be the other way around. But then again, Kili had never been one to back down or hide.

Maybe Balin had noticed, the old dwarf seemed to be able to read every thought of the King. But the others... not. They had not noticed the short flicker of rage before Thorin had calmed down and smiled at the two boys as if nothing was wrong. A warm and loving, yet short smile, before he faced the Hobbit. Granted, the poor so-called master burglar had to carry the can for them. Thorin did not go easy on him.

Late at night, he had presented the plan, talked to all of them, and spent the evening pretending to be perfectly in control...

Until now.

»Kili. Fili. A word.«

The deep voice was as steady as his eyes, looking almost black in the dim light of the hobbit hole. He turned around, taking his pipe from his coat. The rustling noise behind him told him Fili followed his example, took his pipe and probably smiled at Kili, encouraging and proud, as he always did when he knew they were about to face trouble.

Majestic, in his own way.

Sighing, Thorin started to prepare his pipe with the last of his dwarfish weed. He took his time, not because he needed it, but because he wanted the uneasy feeling he sensed in his two nephews to simmer a bit. As expected, Kili became nervous. He was not patient at all, just like his sister had been.

»Kili.« Thorin spoke, and he made sure to talk in the low and rumbling voice he knew was not much more than a rumble in the boy's stomach.

»I told you to stay at home. This quest is not for you.«

»Uncle...« of course. Fili spoke up, casting a glance at his younger brother, telling him to be silent. He must have instructed him earlier. There was no way Kili would just stay put without a serious and long and tiring discussion beforehand.

»It is my fault. I took him along.«

There was no regret in his voice, only determination and pride. Thorin turned and looked at his oldest nephew. As always, it sent a shiver down his spine.

Fili, with those intense eyes, proud features and the unique sparkle of mischief and intelligence at once... looked like Thorin. He had been told so often, and with every day passing, he could see it clearer. He had looked like him when he had been his age. Self-confident smile and clever spark in light eyes and all. Darker hair, of course, not this bright blonde. But other than that...

Again, Fili looked at his brother and the young dwarf made a small coughing noise, rubbing his hands before he slowly inched away from them, his always present grin returning to his nervous features.

»Be right back, getting me some ale...«

Before Thorin could tell him to Stay Where You Are Young Man, he had sneaked off. Fili smiled and approached his uncle.

»I just did what you told me to do. I know you don't want your favorite nephew to be in danger, but...well, I'll take care of him.«

Just for the blink of an eye, there was a strange, unknown expression on the young dwarfs face... Thorin frowned, he could not be sure of his nephew's thoughts. It could not be jealousy, right?

It was true, Thorin had asked Fili to come, and had told Kili to stay at home. But... not because he favored him. He was as afraid for him just as he was for Fili.

And still... it was true; he looked at Kili in a different way, because he was not like himself, not at all like Fili.

Kili looked so much like his mother, Thorin's sister. How much he missed her, had loved her, mourned for her. He still did.

But he never favored him. He was just different from Kili, so very different. Maybe he had acted wrong on one or the other occasion. Had he given reason to doubt his love for his older nephew? Had he not treated them as equals?

Wait... that was not the point here. Fili's smile betrayed him, he had said this on purpose to cause a little guilt in his uncle, to distract him from the matter at hand, maybe ease his verdict.

Yes, the young man was becoming very much like him.

»How, tell me, is dragging your younger brother along, who is absolutely not fit for a quest like this, doing what I told you?«

»Well...« a casual shrug, the pipe between his lips, one corner of his mouth twitched with a self-confident smile, »You told me to take everything I need for a long, dangerous, and maybe deathly quest. And I did.«

Thorin felt the wood of his pipe crack a little between his teeth. He had been tricked by his own words. No, his nephew had twisted his words and tricked him.

»All you need. Indeed, that is what I said.«

Ever so slowly, he raised his chin, looking down at Fili. His nephew hated the fact he was smaller and fairer than his little brother, and Thorin knew very well he absolutely despised people looking down on him. Literally.

»So, you do not just need your swords, provision and a warm coat, but also a young, hot-headed boy who always sticks to your side, slows you down, is a hindrance in battle, and is absolutely incapable of acting accordingly in a dangerous situation? A boy, playing with bow and arrow, weaker than any of the young women he looks at? That is what you need?«

For a moment, Fili stared at his uncle, bristling, growling with anger as the urge to defend his brother almost took over. Just a moment though, then he leaned back a little, crossing his arms, tilting his head with a soft smile.

»Yes.« he said, and his voice was as calm as a winter forest. »Yes, I do need my loyal and brave brother by my side. I need to have him close to know he is safe. I need to know him behind me to feel safe. And I need his fighting skills in battle, for we fight as a team. I need his outstanding qualities as an archer and I need his agility. We all do.«

Exhaling a fine line of smoke from his always smiling lips, he stared at his uncle. For a moment, it was perfectly silent. For dwarven standards, at least.

Thorin looked at his nephew, and even though this boy had just overthrown his authority in an absolutely elegant and clever way, the King under the Mountain could not help but smile and shake his head.

»Fili...« he sighed and walked past him, patting his shoulder just a tiny little bit too hard. »Fili, you would be a great king and you are a good dwarf. And it does not take a wizard's eye to see you are the best big brother Kili could wish for.«

Kili, as he heard his name, joined them with a big mug filled with beer. He did his best to pretend he did not hear a single word, but he lacked his brother's talent to act and overplay and lie. Or maybe it was the happy, proud grin on his face that betrayed him.

»Just be safe, both of you. As much as brothers need each other, an uncle needs his stupid, stubborn and childish nephews.«

The answer was a short, explosive laugh and a low, rough chuckle while the two boys followed him into the Hobbit's living room.

There was a song to sing, a quest to plan and in the end, a Home to reclaim, far over the misty mountains cold.


	2. Chapter 2

Even though Thorin was not angry anymore, he treated his nephews in a way that still made them feel what had happened, a constant reminder of how much he still disliked Kili being with them.

As a result, they were almost all the time riding in the back of the company, carrying the heavy gear and being told to do the unpleasant stuff, like cleaning the pots and cups after they ate, collect firewood and tend to the horses.

Thorin did not really talk to them, he did his best to make them feel out of place. The two young dwarfs kept on talking and joking around, finding the Hobbit was an easy target for their little pranks. Bilbo did not seem to mind, not even when they scared him with some cruel stories about orcs.

In fact, a strange relationship had established between them. Bilbo being technically older but still smaller and unexperienced, and the two young princes, who still had lived more years than him. Sometimes they treated him as the child of the group, sometimes he looked out for them like another uncle or older brother. Bilbo cared for them, and they liked him and, contrary to their uncle, trusted him immediately.

In a way, they were the outsiders: the two princes, one of them unwanted, and the Hobbit.

One night, they set camp near a old and rotten farm. Fili was tired and hungry, he had given half of his breakfast to Bilbo, who seemed to be hungry all the time. He had told him about how much Hobbits love to eat, and truth be told: their appetite even beat that of a dwarf. So when Bilbo had sighed, looking a bit miserable as he looked at his already empty bowl, Fili had offered to share.

»Fili, Kili, tend to the ponies. Make sure you stay with them.«

Of course they would have to wait until they finally could eat. Biting his tongue to hold back a frustrated sigh, Fili turned and stared at Kili, who was frowning and obviously preparing a nasty remark.

»Come on... let's find a nice spot for each of them, shall we? After all, if we tend to the ponies, we don't have to collect wood for the fire.«

Fili's words made Kili grin, and with a snicker and a nod, he started to lead two of the tired horses towards the trees.

It took until nightfall to find a good spot for each of the small horses. Some of them preferred a spot close to trees and thick leaves, others liked to chew on grass... it was not easy to find a good resting place for them.

Fili sighed, brushing the damp hair of his own pony with slow, tired strokes. He always tended to her last, giving her some special attention. When he could hear his own stomach growling, he made a face... he had almost forgotten how hungry he was. None of the others would bring them something to eat; a dwarf was not very fond of entering a forest, especially after dark.

Fili smiled softly, thinking about how often he had played in the forest with his brother when they had been kids, knowing nobody would follow them. In fact, it was Kili who had drawn him to the forest.

When the younger one had started walking, times grew difficult. Young Kili would climb shelves, run around faster than one could look, squish through every hole and door and window he could find.

One day, he had somehow managed to escape and ran off into the forest, alone. Fili remembered how distressed their mother had been, looking for the child and still not finding him.

For some reason, Fili had wandered off into the forest, calling out for his little brother. He had told him a story about squirrels and rabbits earlier, and he guessed his brother would try to find one now. Usually, he would not go near a forest, he had been told it was dangerous and not a place for dwarfs. But the anxiety and fear for his baby-brother was bigger than any fear the stories of his elders could rise in him, so Fili took one of Thorin's smaller swords and bravely entered the woods.

He had found Kili in a tree, crying, for he could not come down again. Fili still remembered how scared he had been, but he did not want his brother to know. After all, he was the older one, supposed to be fearless and responsible.

He had learned to climb trees that day, and it was the first time he had lied to Thorin, telling him he found Kili with the horses, hiding the hay.

Ever since, they played in the forest whenever they could. Kili became an expert in climbing trees, and as soon as he was tall enough to handle a weapon, he chose bow and arrow, sitting in the trees for hours, hunting deer and wild boars. Fili was not as agile and fond of climbing, but he would still join in climbing competitions every now and then.

No, the other dwarfs did not like forests, so as long as they were damned to stay with the horses, they would have to go hungry. Or one of them could go back to the camp to get something to eat, or maybe they would send Bilbo...

»Hey Fili... look what I found. Do you know this kind of tree? I don't... but the wood is quite flexible.« Kili shoved a few thin branches into his brother's face and kept on talking: »I was thinking, maybe we could look for some stronger ones, I want to try use them for arrows. What do you think?«

Fili sighed and shook his head. »Maybe when we are finished here. You should get some rest, don't you think?«

There was just one thing Kili absolutely hated. It was being told what to do by his brother. Not always but... whenever he felt looked down at. Like now.

»Huh. What about you, why don't you take some rest?« he spat, not hiding how much he disliked the tone his brother had used just now: the I'm-your-big-brother-and-I-know-what-is-best-for-you tone.

»Well. Someone has to look for the ponies. And since you are busy collecting sticks, I guess I have to.«

It was on. Fili being hungry and Kili feeling treated like a child was never a good combination. They stared at each other, both frowning, lips pressed shut.

It was a common misconception that they were so close they never fought. Quite the contrary. They were very close indeed, which meant that once they did fight, they fought with all they had. And they both knew how to fight dirty, how to hit the right spots and what to say to make the other one blind with rage.

Fili knew he could make Kili go mad in an instant when he just leaned back a bit, crossed his arms and played it cool, smiling a bit in this self-confident way he always did. When he played Majestic on him, Kili could easily get into a raging fit, often losing his temper.

Kili knew how much Fili hated the fact he was smaller than his younger brother, so pulling back his shoulders and standing really straight, looking down on him, maybe commenting a bit on how tiny he was, would do the trick and made Fili lose his composure completely.

Fili would comment about how odd Kili was, how lazy with his outer looks, how naïve and carefree.

Kili would remind Fili of how much he tried to be like the great Thorin and only be a sad shadow of their charismatic uncle.

Maybe Fili would laugh at him, calling him jealous.

Of course Kili would answer with a snarl and a shrug, asking »About what...your blond elvenhair?«

And they would start wrestling, hitting each other. Just like they knew each others weaknesses verbally, they both knew where to hit so it hurt. And they did not hold back, never did.

Before they could start to fight for real though, they heard a noise. A loud, horrible rumble, a crackling...

»What was that?« Kili jumped off his brother, letting go of his arms and taking a defensive stance towards the direction he had hear the noise.

Fili followed, the two immediately standing side by side, their backs turned a little towards each other, prepared to fight.

»I don't know... let's go check. Careful.« Fili answered, and they went to check what was amiss, their fight forgotten for now.

When Bilbo was sent to find them later, to bring some food, he found two dumb struck brothers staring ahead at a fallen tree.

Kili was just confused, Fili was debating with himself weather to tell Thorin, risking to cause him even more reason to be angry.

»What's the matter?«

»We're supposed to be looking after the ponies...«

This night, they did not get to eat at all.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Thank you so much for all the reviews! I did not expect that and it makes me very very happy!**

* * *

The moment the door slammed shut, Fili knew he was in trouble. Thorin's mood had been foul ever since the journey began. When they had found themselves in Rivendell, lead by Gandalf and chased by orcs, he had turned even more grumpy and short tempered.

Without turning, Fili continued to dress. He had just finished washing and tending to a bruised wrist he did not even remember hurting.

»Where is your brother?«

»Kili?« stupid question indeed. Yet his uncle answered with a short, aggravated 'Yes!' which gave Fili a strange kind of satisfaction.

»He's asking some of the elves for help, something about his arrows.«

Thorin did not react, and that showed Fili just how much he was in trouble. He had expected Thorin to burst with rage and run off, looking for his younger brother, but he stayed. In fact, he seemed pleased the other dwarf was not near.

»He will not come with us. He will stay here or go home.«

The words made no sense to him, he turned and frowned. One by one, the strange words sank into his brain, sorted themselves after dancing a bit on his nerves, joining each other to form first a sentence, then a meaning.

»He... what?«

»You saw! How he fought against the trolls, how he ignored my order and attacked before any of us had arrived! I can not use such recklessness, such childish behavior.«

Yes, he remembered the fight against the trolls. He remembered how he had dashed off to alarm the others and Kili had stayed behind, watching, making sure they did not get away. They had agreed to attack as soon as Thorin and the others joined them. And then, Kili had jumped out of the bushes he was hiding in, confronting the three trolls all by himself.

»He saved Bilbo.« Fili said, surprised about how calm his voice sounded. He was right, had Kili not acted on impulse as he always did, Bilbo would have been dead by the time the others arrived. A matter of seconds, really, but important seconds.

»I think he was really brave.«

»Brave?« Thorin shouted, slamming his fist against the chair where Fili had put the washing bowl on. The elven wood creaked a bit.

»No, that was not bravery, it was recklessness.«

»Is that so... well, maybe that is how you see it. But you know...« he turned and faced his uncle, head on. He tilted his chin the way Thorin did it, appearing a touch more majestic than he had ever thought he could.

»When those orcs closed in on us... when the wargs attacked, the one sneaking up on us... you know who stood up to shoot it?« of course he knew, Thorin had been the one to tell him and shoot. If he hadn't at least one of them would have died with the first attack of that beast.

»You know who was brave and reckless enough to stay in the fields until all the others were gone? Guarding our backs?«

Fili heard his own voice rising, deeper than usual. Had Kili been here, or some of the other dwarfs, and certainly Bilbo, they would have stared at him with new respect, Ori maybe even with a touch of fear. Kili would stare at him with those dark eyes screaming 'I am so proud to be your brother'.

But not Thorin.

His uncle didn't seem to have trouble staring back at him, not impressed at all. Or maybe he was, but he did not show it. Not at all.

»Mind your words, Fili. I do not recall you having earned the right to speak up to me.«

Suddenly, Fili was back to being a child, being scolded because he dropped a pickaxe he was supposed to sharpen in the furnace. He had been too small to properly reach the anvil, too weak to hold a hammer and too afraid of fire. Yet he had wanted to try, annoyed Thorin and Mister Dwalin until they agreed to let him help despite his young age. They had not been angry because he messed up, but because he had overestimated himself.

Two years later, he was allowed to step foot into the smithy again and he turned out to be quite skilled. It simply had not been the right time back then.

Now was different. He would not grow up to be able to stand up for his brother, he was supposed to do so since the moment Kili had been born.

»I do not intend to be disrespectful.« he said, shaking his head. »But I trust him to be of help in this quest. He has proven his bravery and worth, he saved Bilbo and he stood up against the orcs after you allowed him to. He will not cause more trouble than any of us. He is not a burden, Thorin.«

Sighing, he lowered his eyes and spoke with a quieter voice now. »Please, uncle. Don't send him home. He'll get lost on the way.«

A long moment passed. Dark, hardened eyes looked down on him and he felt like shrinking, loosing ground.

»You are responsible for him.«

having that said, Thorin turned and left the room, closing the door with a little more force than necessary. Fili stayed behind, exhaling slowly. He had not even realized he had held his breath.

Of course he was responsible for Kili. Had he not been since the beginning?

Smiling, he continued to dress and tend to his blonde hair. He did not mind, after all, Kili was quite capable of taking care of himself.

At least he hoped he was...


End file.
